You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
