Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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