i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's rum buckets o'clock
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
