i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
