The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
