I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
