so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
