i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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