I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
