I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
