i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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