Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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