I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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