Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
