They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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