I heard we made out
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
