Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
