My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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