Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
