I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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