Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
