some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Say something about gay babies.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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