So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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