Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
