Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
