her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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