I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
