drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
