drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He felt like a one man threesome
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
