i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
