he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
