god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
