Just fell off a train. Bad.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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