So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
