she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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