I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
