I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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