can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
