I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
