winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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