i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
nutella sex= disaster
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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