Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
