you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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