Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
