You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
