1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
