i think my tv is drunk
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
