Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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