so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
