either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
