i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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